musical madness

musical madness
lives inside of me,
in a whirlwind frenzy.

a good song travels
faster than
my imagination,

a good song travels
faster than
the speed of light.

i love listening
but singing along is alright
too as long as i am alone.

musical madness
lives inside of me,
in a whirlwind frenzy.

a good song erases completely
this fragment of time
evolves into a mystery.

I lose myself, but into;
all the greatest of places.
I lose my self, in bits and pieces.

I lose my sadness, my grief and sorrows.
focusing only on the sound,
of the beat
and the places music takes me.

it's a peaceful journey.
it's a way of time travel,
without ever leaving home.

Each and every song
bestows a memory.
its a key unlocking a door
of how far i have climbed.

and how much farther i need to go.

The Female Roars

The Female Roars-

It starts with an explosion.
Fits of outrage, fur and teeth,
the Lioness Roars
in order to protect her cubs.

She is all complete Beauty,
in that mere moment
of raw agony and fierce loyalty.

She will fight to the death,
to protect her young ones.
She is a wild force of nature.

You do not want to be,
the one who has crossed
her.

She has perfected protection,
to the essentials
of sharpen teeth, claws, and
utter strength.

To threaten her cubs,
is foolish, and the results
could be very dangerous
if not even deadly.

Human Mothers are not
that much different.
When push comes to shove-

The Female Roars.
written for Lisa.

Updates and New Release

I have updated my Authors Website: http://sexinthekitchensink.wix.com/books-by-emily
I have also updated my Art Therapy Website:https://sites.google.com/site/holisticartexpressions/
and i have a new release of poetry and artwork on kindle, called,"Words Whirl: Poetry and Artwork." 2013, by Emily Sturgill. Currently, it is on sale at just $3.99, for the kindle copy. It is roughly 43 pages.
Here is a link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EO7EB5K

Smoke and Ash

Where there is Smoke,
there is Ash.
Today's clouds fold into themselves,
like a giant sky envelope
and the Sun is a first class postage stamp.

Memories have run dry.
They have had their fill.

A blank mind-erases everything,
but the present moment-
this pen-
this paper-
these words

I scratch together.

Someday
Some other time and place-
these words maybe considered poetic or
even poetry.

But that future, is still so far away-
I cannot grasp it.

For this moment,
I reach out for the most perfect
single word
and nothing more,
or nothing less,
than silence is heard.

link to free summer promo days...free kindle e-books on poetry and artworks by Emily Sturgill

http://wp.me/p2WuEd-Hh

marriage counseling and fixing whats not right:

My husband and self, both have many-yet different-emotional scars from our own childhoods.

Sometimes these differences really tear us apart.

I have my reasons-which i will not disclose here-(read my memoirs recalled madness: a personal account of manic-depressive illness by Emily Sturgill 2013-available off Amazon.com for more specific details-)

Anyways, i have my reasons, that

if somebody physical grabs me in anger or is violent at all,

during an argument, i will pretty much cut that person out of my life completely.

If that sounds insane or extreme, I apologize.

However, it is based on how i was raised-that a man should never hit a woman,

nor lay his hands upon her, while in a state of anger/violence.

This is a well-known trigger of mine, that my husband,

has mistakenly set off on separate occasions.

For his part- part of his past were living with parents,

who argued/screamed and yelled everyday.

Thus, his trigger is arguing. When and if we argue,

and he feels bad enough to yell or scream - he tries to grab me,

and force me to listen.

The intimidation of being grabbed

in anger really sets me off,

i never call the police or press charges.

i simply go into flight or flee mode.

i pack my shit and leave.

persons without a history,

of childhood abuse, physical violence,

in my case both parents equally were messed up

until 7th grade when my Dad sought therapy.

My mom did not go into therapy until i was 18.

So i don't even wanna go there-she was also bipolar.

She is the one, i take the most after.

Dad had OCD among other issues.

But after he got got help, things were better

for a time-at least better he and I.

Mom was another story entirely.

Anyways, about 2 weeks ago,

i was feeling threatened physically by my husband,

so after discussion with 4 different older strong women

in my life i decided to go stay at

a battered woman's shelter.

Because today is the 2 year anniversary

of our wedding and because he apologized

between 5-7 times, i agreed to comeback home.

its a work in progress.

but im hopeful , since he's agreed

to attend therapy his own self-

and face some of his own inner demons.

the hidden truth

May 28, 2013 by sexinthekitchensink in Abused-wife, criminal behaviors, depression, family, finding shelter, husbands, illness, infertility, loss of a parent, love, manias, manic-depression, marriages, memoirs, men are from mars, men vs women, mental-illness, mother-in-laws, negativity, pain, parents, poem-therapy and tagged secrets, lies, trouble, abusive-men, evil, submission, dominance, ugly-truth | Permalink

the hidden truth,
is that which haunts me…
everybody thought we were the perfect happy couple…
and I? how could I explain to our friends-our loved ones-
about The Dark Times….
about the hidden Truth?
That i married a classic-type of abuser.
That my beloved husband,
who i “loved” dearly was not only less than ideal,
but i was paranoid fearful of his anger. Of his angry outbursts.
That frequently, i felt unsafe, even during lovemaking.
I was scared he may attempt to kill me.
And i do not know why.
the fear seemed irrational, like another delusion of my bipolar mind.
Until a day two weeks ago where he admitted to “fantasies”?? I’m not sure what you would call then,”ideas” or “plans”?
That if his life ever got bad enough, he would fall back on the notion
of a murder-suicide.
by the way by murder-he meant me specifically and suicide
i guess was for him-not only was this a horrifying thing to say to the one woman who loves you-
it also helped me reach the realization, i was in constant danger.

I’ve been hiding out at a battered woman’s shelter.
i finally feel safe again.
it took some skill even in getting here because i had no money and no car.
but i finally made it Saturday afternoon.

I blame myself for not leaving sooner.
but in oh-too-many ways it was easier to stay.

i am grateful now, for my infertility issues.
that saves me from a lifetime of interaction
with a husband who is crazy.

I am so very devastated-that it had to-end this way,
but it was only getting worse.  Now i am facing loved ones with the Hidden Truth.
they do not understand how hard it is to admit….you are a victim.
that somebody scares you half to death.
that this man you “loved” is merely a shadow of his true self,
the side made up of complete anger and irrational darkness.