Saving some Sanity for a Rainy Day

Saving Grace,
maintaining hope..in the face of terror.
realizing much too late,
what a fool i have been.

Sometimes, you learn
somehow, somewhere along the way-
to make excuses-
for somebody else's bad behavior.

You try to justify irrational
things which do not make sense,
by placing the blame entirely on
your own shoulders.

You tell yourself, that Love-
is everything, the only thing which matters...
And that he must "love" you-
he takes care of "you".
(but really he actually control you, and everything you do, and everywhere you go.)

Saving Grace-
an abuser is always so
"sorry" he hurt you,
that he promises never again.

and you wish this to be true.
you wish it with your entire
whole and stupid eager heart.

the heart he breaks and rips apart,
with just one more angry glance.
just one more dirty angry look too many.

and a new day dawns.
you come to a realization,
that maybe it is not entirely all your
fault-perhaps he has demons of his own.

ones he refuses to run down and face.
maybe, you are not always the crazy one?
maybe, you have more resources than you think.
maybe, you have more friends and family that may help you.

maybe they can help you
to help yourself
to save some shred of sanity,
to just save some sanity for
a rainy day.