a day like
today
makes me question,
so many things and well why not?
a day like today,
i wonder why i worship
at the alter of the DSM-IV.
I wonder why i take
a daily communion
not of wafers-
but of psychotropics-
to give my coat that nice, shiny, healthy
sane & stable glow.
Somedays, i do not want to believe,
that i am in fact clinically completely
utterly and ridiculously totally insane.
would you welcome insanity upon yourself?
Do you wanna trade lives for a while?
My soul lies in the gutter, legs splayed wide open,
just waiting for another
psychrachist to fuck me.
Not in a happy mood, lately.
well, by lately, i clearly really mean,
just today, yesterday i was fine,
i saw my priest-therapist-psychrachist-whatever.
yesterday, i still believed.
today, i am struggling,
with a flu and a bad case of the have nots.
I feel like I do not have
a mental illness.
I feel like i do not have,
Endometriosis,
i feel like i am fed up with all,
the fucking labels and diagnosis.
Today i feel like telling
the whole damned world,
to just go away and leave me,
the fuck alone.
Leave me alone from all the post-it labels;
stuck frantic upon my supposed of "manic" back.
Just everyone go ahead and fuck off for a while.
I'm sick of the same inane game,
i've played for over 20 years now.
because it's a game, i never can "win" at-
i feel as though i am under attack-
from all sides now.
I'm getting tired of feeling,
as though, im a head-case,
or so fragile, made of glass,
i will break and splinter all over
the damned place.
make a mess-
clean it up-
then the cycle restarts anew.
Sometimes, i feel like,
I am just "sick" because that's
all the world expects from me.
Another hysterical woman,
a patient of Sigmund Freud,
lie me down on an analytic couch,
take me temperature, pat my head and pass me
a huge ornate vibrator,
because that's just where it all started.
and things still stand
that way on a day,
like today.
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